I remember it as a kid and I remember it as a parent. It was taught as a habit to practice in almost any situation. Imagine your great-aunt decided to crochet you a sweater for Christmas. You open the box, already disappointed that it's clothes instead of a toy. Inside you find the homemade sweater in the worst colour combination you can imagine as a nine-year-old trying to be cool. You try to hide your true reaction from your great-aunt as she watches you pick up the sweater to get a closer look. And just as you go to put it back your mom looks at you with the all-too-common prompt, “What do you say to Aunt Esther?” And you do what you’ve been trained to do since you could speak. You turn with your best attempt at a genuine smile and say, “Thank you, Aunt Esther.” As we emerge from Thanksgiving weekend, let’s talk about this today.
In 1 Thessalonians 5, the apostle Paul writes an imperative to his readers that is most commonly translated this way: "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."
In his letter to Colossians, Paul gives instruction that is subtly, but significantly different. There he writes, “And be thankful.”
We regularly teach kids to give thanks. It is a part of what we call manners or being polite. But it is possible to be polite by saying thank you without being thankful. So, which are we supposed to do…give thanks or be thankful?
I’m going to suggest, and invite us to consider, how both are necessary and can be real in our lives. Let’s start with the idea of giving thanks, but not being thankful. I suspect all of us are aware when this habit of politeness shows up in us and most of us are aware when it shows up in others. We say the appropriate and expected words, but they are not a reflection of our hearts. In this situation, the words can come across as hollow, perhaps patronizing, possibly rude, and maybe even manupulative. So obviously it is better to be thankful rather than merely developing the habit of giving thanks.
But let’s consider the alternative. What if we are thankful, but don’t express it. We’re thankful for something specific our spouse takes care of, but we never express it. We’re thankful for the joy our kids bring to our lives, but they never hear it. We’re thankful for how someone uses their gifts to bless and encourage us, but we never tell them. When our being thankful is never expressed, someone else could be left to feel unappreciated, unnoticed, taken for granted, or as though their contribution has no purpose.
And with this simple thought experiment, we see the need for both being and giving thanks. But how do we foster both realities? You may have some suggestions for this, but since I’m the only one sharing right now, let me offer just a couple of thoughts.
So being thankful and giving thanks - the act and the posture, the state of being and the practice work hand in hand to honour the special contributions of others and to foster a healthier outlook on life within ourselves.
I leave you with Paul’s words to the church in Philippi, which are true for me when I think of you:
May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace.
Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God.
Weekly Reminders:
I’m recording this and releasing it on Tuesday, October 11. For those wondering what is coming up this week, there are a few things you really should be aware of!