Slideshow image

You know the person. The one that drives you crazy. The one who spends so much time daydreaming. Or the one who is so focused on go-go-going that they don't seem to put thought into their plan. Or the person who is constantly talking about what needs to get done and filling up meeting times with stories. Or the one who comes to the table with speadsheets and policies which they expect everyone to understand without explanation. You know the person. The one who is so different from you that it can be frustrating at times.

What can you do about that person?

Over the past few months God has used a couple of things to help me figure out what to do about people who I struggle to understand (and who struggles to understand me). The first tool is scripture. I've been reminded in places like 1 Corinthians 12 that we are all gifted uniquely. We aren't meant to be the same and things would be a mess if we were. The second tool is something called Grip-Birkman. It is a spiritual gift and lifestyle inventory that helps me understand myself better. But more importantly, it helps me to understand how I fit in relationship to other people who aren't like me. It helps me be aware of both my strengths and where I need those people who are very different than me.

So . . . what have I learned about how to deal with about that person - the one who is not like me? What can I do about them?

  1. I've learned to appreciate them. They bring something to the table that I need - that we need - if we are going to thrive. When our differences in approach, perspective and personality arise, I've started thanking God for that person and their differences instead of fighting against them.
  2. I've learned to listen to them. They are people to learn from and learning starts by listening to their perspective. When working in groups (a board, a church, a family, a team) a decision will have to be made at some point in order to move forward. Often those decisions won't please everyone. But listening well to the perspective of others helps inform whatever direction is eventually taken.
  3. I've learned to defer to them. Depending on the situation, I need to set my tendencies aside and encourage others to lead based on their strengths. I've learned things about myself that show me how much I need others not just to have a voice, but also to lead.
  4. I've learned that I can help them. Especially when I am in a leadership context, I can help people find places and ways that fit how they are wired. Watching team sports, I've discovered that there are two different coaching philosophies. The first sets a plan and then tries to force players to conform to the plan whether their skills fit it or not. The second takes stock of the skill sets of the players and then forms a plan which allows them to thrive. That's who we should seek to be as a church - discover people's unique gifting and wiring and then helping them find ways and places they can serve out of their strengths. We can help each other thrive!
  5. I've learned that I don't need to do anything about that person. That very posture presumes that my view is not only different, but also better. The truth is I am that person to someone. And so are you. Rather than trying to fix or change or correct or work around each other, we need to learn to understand each other's strengths and weaknesses, and cooperate for the sake of becoming all that God desires each of us to be.

Thank you for being you. None of us are the perfect version of ourselves, but we each have something unique and special and powerful to offer in spite of our imperfections. I'm glad I get to be on this journey with you.